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Did you miss me?

 

I wish I could say I was off holiday-making on Safe Island (see post #2), but no — I was actually traipsing through the wilds of Reality. I’ve taken some brief field notes. See below.

Reality is a barren nation state located somewhere no one wants to go, inhabited mostly by trolls, Evangelical Christians, redundant pop songs, termites, Mondays, tax forms, and a gigantic Cheeto wearing a badly tailored suit and an American flag pin. The capital of Reality is the city of “Not Fun,” which is surrounded by the traffic-clogged suburbs of “Ugh, Relationships,” “It’s Raining,” “Your Job is Pointless, Yeah?” “The Internet is Down Again,” and “Is This Really All We’ve Got To Look Forward To?”

The rural areas are slightly more habitable, with the state of “Let’s Pretend We Don’t Give a Fuck” ranking the highest in beautiful vistas, pristine wild areas (complete with bears and hobbits and wolves and stuff), and tourism dollars. I met some locals of “Let’s Pretend We Don’t Give a Fuck,” and they are pretty chill, lots of craft breweries and artisan cheese shops and recreational marijuana dispensaries, but once you get near the border of “Let’s Try Not to Pathologize All of Your Weird Quirks” and the smaller state of “Is it Anxiety or Depression or All of the Above?” really, you should turn around — at least before you get to “And Now We’re Hungover Again But Still Have to Go to Work,” because even though it hugs the eastern coast, the beaches are shit. Nothing but broken sand dollars, hypodermic needles, jelly fish, Speedos, and shark attacks.

Pick up a Zagat’s guide to Reality and you’ll see there are plenty of strange hidden gems, quaint neighborhoods like “Look at the Cute Baby,” “Pay Day, Yeah,” “PUPPIES,” “I’ve Got Some Really Swell Friends and Family,” “Finally Got Time to Write,” and “Really Good Music, Yeah.” It’s not all bad, you know. Reality is one of those places that can be staggeringly ugly and endlessly disappointing and heartbreakingly real, but hey…

Reality: It Just Is What It Is.

 

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Obviously I need some help orienteering through my week.

It’s bad when you lose a whole day in your brain when in actuality you haven’t lost a day at all. What? I’m so confused! Perhaps it’s time to hang up the calendar in a place that makes practical sense (i.e. not the closet.) It’s not my fault that as soon as network television goes on hiatus, my navigation of time and space go a little wonky. Then again, they say that not all who wander are lost. Haven’t figured out who “they” are yet.

Here’s a recap of the week:

  • Monday – It’s hot and sunny. Stuff gets done-ish. Stuff gets written. Tweet a little. House finale.
  • Tuesday – It’s hot and sunny. Stuff gets done. Emails get written. Fruit fly invasion. Saw a bobcat. NCIS re-runs.
  • Wednesday –  It’s really hot and sunny. Stuff gets done. Interview with a curator. Dinner with friend. Beer. Burn Notice.
  • (thirsty) Thursday – (Thirsty mostly because it’s…) still hot, still sunny. Anything could happen. Blogging could happen..

I was going to post something along the lines of “Six Sentence Sunday” because I’m not above shamelessly flaunting some written stuff, but then I figured out that today isn’t Sunday. IT’S THURSDAY, dammit!

I’ll conclude this with a .GIF I ganked  from somebody’s obsessive Tumblr account. It’s enough to scare me into next week.

 

 

 

Welcome to the Anti-Heroic, a blog about something, including but not limited to:

– Writing & Literature in general
– My life and my opinions
– Creative thought
– TV shows and other mindless pursuits

Reading may cause nausea, vomiting, motion sickness, car sickness, sea sickness, reality sickness, fiery urine, unexplainable fear of federal agents, illusions of grandeur, cat scratch fever, a sudden desire to visit Baltimore, or rashes in the shape of US territories.

You may also need your passport to proceed. Other warnings include:

– Unintelligible French
– Flaming liberalism
– Non sequitur thought
– Uncensored photos of a handsome German shepherd

You may want to seek help if you have been reading this for more than four hours.

Enjoy.

Bon voyage
よい旅行を
God reise
शुभ यात्रा
طريق السلامة
נסיעה טובה